Bio thing~

Ollo~! You have stumbled upon my Tumblr! You poor thing, you! I suppose you would like a little bit of background… Or maybe a lot of rambling about why I’m obsessed. Hrm. Either way…!

This would be my first time going extremely public about this situation, without being hidden behind friend-filters or locked community entries. It’s only SLIGHTLY frightening. Slightly.

You may call me “Filthy” — I’m used to it~!
Female (Androgynous?/Genderless?) | Bisexual/Pansexual
26 Years Old | Scorpio | Florida USA
Major: Business Administration
Agnostic | Gluten-Free

I am just another nerd here, trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’ve actually been trying to figure this out for a few years now with very little success. I am currently jobless (working on it) and spend my time being a full-time socially awkward Megamind-obsessed fangirl. My biggest goal in life is currently to someday move back to the LA area and work at the Glendale studio for Dreamworks Animation, if not to personally encourage and lead them to more Megamind material, then to get their marketing department a much-needed make-over. I’d also like to get a dog. At least one of these things seems obtainable!

(Trigger warning: suicide)
Sooo… I’m actually really boring outside of my obsessing. Megamind is a huge deal to me, and yeah, I know it seems silly, but everyone has their “thing” and this is mine. This movie came out at a very rough time in my life where I can truly say I had given up. I was extremely depressed and silently contemplating suicide right before seeing it, and had assumed I wouldn’t make it through the year. I had lost what felt like everything due to a sudden break-up, and my entire life was disorganized chaos. I had no idea what I wanted, what I needed to do, where I was going to go— and I had stopped caring. I was finally realizing how naive I had been to think I could ride out the rest of my life in a lover’s shadow, and discovering how weak of a hold I had on my future. I felt so far behind in life that I truly did not see a reason for moving forward. I saw moving forward as the struggle it truly is for any person, and feared it as another failure I would bring myself to experience — as thus far, I had done little right with my life.

For my birthday, my friends encouraged me to go see Megamind. I knew little about it aside from it being a stupid-looking animated super-hero movie, but a free movie is a free movie, so I agreed to go with them.

I was NOT expecting a movie about a lonely, bullied and abused blue alien who was struggling to figure out his own life after living in his own illusion for so long— now struggling with the idea of giving up hope for himself.

"I’m the bad guy. I don’t save the day, I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get the girl."

Talk about blind-sided. I did not expect that, at all, but it was exactly what I needed to hang on. I feel like I saw the unspoken side of the movie that the trailers never let me in on, the side that was a labor of REAL pain and love from the artists that worked on the film. What made the characters feel alive. Between Will Ferrell suggesting that Megamind mispronounce common words because he’s so sheltered that he wouldn’t know better, to him looking shocked and confused when he receives a hug, to the scatterbrained madness and yet brilliance that is his idea-wall in the evil lair, to him seeing prison as “home”, to his childish tantrums and enthusiasm, to the fact that he struggles with not giving up, himself… augh. My heart. I had never sat in a theater wishing so hard for a character to get everything they wanted in the end. I connected with him almost immediately, and I was just praying and wishing for him to get his happiness and the life he deserved — I needed that reassurance myself that everything would be okay.

"You can’t give up! The Megamind I knew would never have run from a fight, even when he knew he had absolutely no chance of winning!"

I had never left a movie theater feeling so happy in my life. Nothing I’ve ever done has felt like that feeling. In my weakest moments I felt understood and found hope where nothing else had helped. My mood was like night and day. And that only amplified when I found the Megamind fandom online, only to discover many others feeling so similar with their own stories.

I can honestly say that this movie saved my life. It gave me something to hold on to and fall back on when I needed something the most, and I have used it as an anchor to encourage myself to move forward.

When Dreamworks brushed Megamind under the rug and tried to get people to forget about it, it felt like a punch straight to my heart. Hearing that the sequel had been put away and that the hope for future ANYTHING involving the characters and world I had learned to love has been a pain unlike anything I could describe to you. It is something I still struggle with letting go of, because it is something I feel deserves to live. It is difficult for me to accept that anybody can feel like the one thing that saved my life isn’t worth making more of. But perhaps the movie still served it’s purpose and paid for itself in that regard— I am still here and I am one less heartbreaking story for my friends and family, and a small shred of success, perhaps, for the company. So if nothing else it would mean the world to me to one day work there and repay them. If not by assisting in making a successful sequel then in helping their marketing department so that studio “failures” like Megamind don’t happen again. I would never wish for this pain I feel on someone else. Never. It’s become a hole in my heart that I feel unrelateable on. I will probably be the last one fighting it many years from now.

"There’s a benefit to losing: You get to learn from your mistakes."

The Megamind sob-story aside, another big part of my life is my issue with gluten. Gluten and I don’t get along. At all. If I could go the rest of my life not needing to worry about reading another label or saying “no” to trying food that very well may still be safe for me to eat, I’d be so happy. I never cared about what was in my food until it was beginning to kill me, and I’ve become fiercely paranoid of ingredients and what foods I’ll eat. I’ve been struggling to get my stomach to work properly on a gluten-free diet for a year, now. It’s tiring, and depressing. When most social gatherings revolve around getting food you can’t eat, it’s hard not to isolate yourself and feel excluded. It feels like looking at a normal life through glass, knowing you’ll never feel that convenience of getting a pizza and shoving a slice carelessly into your mouth without worrying about ingredients or the soon-to-come stomach pains ever again. It’s a frustrating thing I deal with any time I need to eat, and with an obsessive personality like mine, it’s a bad mix.

If you are wondering what gluten even is, gluten is typically wheat, barley, pastas. So essentially, no Italian food, no pizza, no bread, no cakes, no pastries, no pancakes, no soy sauce, and not a lot of alcohol, either. So basically, everything cheap, and everything worth waking up for in the morning. Aughghghghg. I’ve been having a lot of fun learning how to not feel like this is a death-sentence, but I’m grateful to not be in pain any longer! I just ask that people who want to be close to me, understand that like the Megamind thing, gluten is also a very big deal to me. I have a tag for gluten-free things for anyone looking into delicious things that I can still eat, haha. I’m slowly adding to it as I see things that look tasty~.

Some random fun facts about me? I’m colorblind to blue (HA yes I know, it’s hilarious 9___9) in the sense that it all looks like one big blur of the color. I am technically homeless, I live with my oldest friend who is like my brother to me now. I sleep on a couch and it is quite possibly the most comfy couch in existence! I have a cat at my mom’s house, and a fishtank here, two bettas, and a hermit crab that I often forget exists (don’t get a hermit crab, just don’t). I originally wanted my major to be Veterinary Technology, but more recently realized that I would never let it go if I didn’t try to approach Dreamworks one way or another. I love animation and animated movies, and try to watch all of them. That said, I actually don’t watch a lot of movies and am pathetically squeamish, which is something I’m working on getting over. I really don’t like to see gore or heavy violence — I find no joy from it. I do draw and write for fun, and have dabbled with fan-videos and GIFs and icon-making. I had brief experience with Graphic Design when I was in high school, although the courses were clearly a giant joke. I love swimming despite sucking at it, and love going to the beach and pools, especially at night. I adore night-life and long drives to nowhere, seeking adventure. I am blunt and honest, and people become intimidated by me easily.

I’m currently working on ways to express myself and stand out, in an attempt to get my life back under my control. The internet is a good place for such things~! I can be loud and rattle Dreamworks’ cage from a distance while I figure out how to get to them. XD

Uhm… I’ll add to this when I think of more? If there’s something better I could put here, someone tell me. XD

Text posted 2 years ago with 24 notes
  1. tabbydragon said: *hugs for Filthy!!* You are awesome as always.
  2. dani-kin said: {{HUGS}} {{{ALWAYS}}}
  3. murasakiyugata said: Thank you for sharing this. I had no idea why Megamind was such an important part of you life (besides being a great movie) so it’s good to have this background. I’m also really sorry about your gluten situation. That must be extremely difficult.
  4. justiceisanoncorrosivemetal said: (([Hugs] This is interesting. And, while I already knew most of this, I’m sure it will help others to see you more as a person, someone they can properly relate to.))
  5. thatfilthyanimal posted this

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