I had a dream that the fandom was at another DashCon-ish thing except we were getting interrupted by my shitty driving and Vamp feeling ill and everyone trying to figure out how we were going to bake a… muffin pan full of frozen chicken tenders
Wait a fucking minute
John Green found the thing
JOHN GREEN FOUND THE THING
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WOW
JOHN GREEN NOTICES THE MEGAMIND FANDOM WHAT’S DREAMWORKS’ EXCUSE
//HAHA!Today’s epic Megamind video~
Cards Against Megamind
Ever since Scowlofjustice put the idea in my head i’ve spent all day playing Cards Against Megamind with myself. Needless to say i’ve had a WONDERFUL day.
Here’s my day so far: Daddy issues , self loathing and a closed casket funeral
Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that’s right, I’m waking up half-naked in a Denny’s parking lot. Guess they can’t.
I was eight days old and still not contributing to society in any meaningful way
Here Is your Minion, he will take third base
You are destined for vehicular manslaughter
He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant gifts of deliciousness. So I, too, will make vigorous jazz hands and win over Loki, the trickster god.
That’s when I learned a very hard lesson. Good receives all the praise and adulation, while evil is sent to The Make a Wish Foundation
While they were learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider I learned white privilege.
Some days, it felt like it was just me and Minion against fifty years of fanfic
Then it hit me; if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the Former President George W. Bush
I decided to pick something a little more humble… Megamind: Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all poor life choices
You got a present in the mail.
Is it chunks of dead prostitute?
His heart is an erection that lasts longer than four hours that’s inside the entire cast of Downton Abbey
The greatest honor you’ve given me is Cybernetic enhancements
I tell you Minion, there’s no place like Auschwitz
Is there some kind of nerdy supervillain website where you get a windmill full of corpses and embryonic stem cells?
Stop! She’s using her Menstrual Rage on your weak-willed mind to find out all our secrets!
It is with great pleasure that I present to Metro Man my collection of high-tech sex toys
Oh! I’m shaking in my extremely tight pants!
That is if Metro Man can withstand the full, concentrated power of my inner demons!
Your weakness is a gentle caress on the inner thigh? You’re kidding right?
What if tomorrow we could go ripping into a man’s chest and pulling out his still-beating heart, that always seems to lift your spirits!
Roxie, I’m having a party at my house, it’s gonna be like, off the hook, or whatever. You should come over. I got racially-biased SAT questions , Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle , A super soaker full of cat pee, It’s gonna be sick!
What are we supposed to do? Without you evil is the holy bible
I had so many evil plans in the works, interspecies marriage, teaching a robot to love, MechaHitler, battles we will now never have.
I kept thinking he was gonna do one of his last minute poorly-timed holocaust jokes .
Yeah, he was really good at those.
Heroes can be made…. That’s it! All you need are the right ingredients… a lifetime of sadness, the token minority , the entire internet, and a smidgen of some really fucked-up shit. Oh! With that, anyone can be a hero!
Oh no, not you Roxanne… I was just yelling at…. not Satan, I promise
Minion! Code: Ethnic cleansing
Oh yes, I’m doing horrible things to that man. I don’t want to get into it but Graphic violence, adult language and some sexual content, you know the drill.
Well, in sh…school… none of the other kids really liked me. I was always picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
Just a few alterations sir and I will be done with your most terrifying cape yet! I’m calling it The Violation of our most basic human rights
I may not know much, but I do know this. The bad guy doesn’t get the mere concept of Applebee’s
My sole purpose in life is getting married, having a few kids, buying some stuff, retiring to Florida and dying.
Code: I’ll just pack my Dalek porn and go!
Not the only exciting development of the night! Megamind’s concealing a boner! And I know why!
Roxanne? Say I wasn’t so normal. Let’s say I was a gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry and had the complexion of a mime having a stroke as a random, nonspecific example…
You there! Yeah you. Bring out my manservant, Claude
And the hero strikes the first blow! But evil returns with a cooler full of organs
Guess what, Buster Brown? It’s made from Harry Potter Erotica you’re powerless against it!
I began to realize, despite all my powers, each and every citizen of Metro had something I didn’t. Crystal meth
I was finally free to get in touch with my true power, Leaving an awkward voicemail.
I have eyes that can see right through heteronormativity
I’m the bad guy. I don’t save the day. I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get all you can eat shrimp for $4.99.
I want to talk to the real Hal. I want to talk to the guy who loved not wearing pants, and Doin’ it in the butt, and praying the gay away and being not as scary as the Tighten Hal.
And my best friend Minion, I treated like my ex-wife
You’re living a fantasy. There is no Darth Vader, there is no skeletor, and there is no Nicolas Cage!
“Oh you’re a villain all right! Just not a super one!”
“Yeah? What’s the difference?”
We’ve had a lot of adventures together, you and I. I mean, most of them ended in throwing a virgin into a volcano, but we won today, didn’t we sir?
Ladies and gentlemen! Megamind, defender of licking things to claim them as your own
megamind? nah i don’t like him. what am i a fuCKign t rash nerd?? hahaha *trips* *hundreds of pictures of megamind come spilling out of my pockets* sh it uhh *tries to pick the pictures up but they keep coming out of my pockets and wallet* listen these aren’t mine they’re *frantically picking them up* i’m holding them for a friend shit just LISTEn
The “welcome to the Megamind Fandom” gift basket should include the Megamind dvd + bluray + button of doom, the Megamind comics , The Art of Megamind book , blue dicks of various sizes (we are a very accomidating fandom. Your comfort is our top priority!) as well as a bushel of corn with no context whats so ever.
imagine megamind wearing fishnets and black lacy panties
I’m sure there’s more but uh
i just heard “how bad can i be” from the lorax and immediately thought of megamind i’m TRASH throw me out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFRU_rISTLA HERE I FOUND YOU A FOSSIL
should i be laughing or hiding myself in embarrassment?? i think both is good
WE COLLECT PEOPLE
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